Pet Funeral
by Jaidelynn
Summary: One-Shot. Draco has to go through a funeral for his son's sake. Let the torture begin. Humor.


**A/N: Just a humorous one-shot that I hope brightens everyone's day! And besides, I was hitting writer's block on my other story so I figured this would be a nice change of pace. Hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nada, just the cuteness overload.**

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 **Pet Funeral**

Draco stood in front of the mirror, straightening out his dress robes as he stared at himself. Today was going to be a long day. He took a deep breath to calm the anxiousness he felt. There was going too many tears from this event, no doubt from him son, but internally he would be weeping as well.

"Are you ready dear?" Astoria, his wife, asked as she entered their room and approached him. Fixing his collar she said, "The rest of the guests are here. Everyone is already in the garden waiting."

Nodding he asked, "Scorpius ready?"

As if magically hearing his father ask about him, Scorpius sulkily crept into his parents' room, face stained with tears.

"Daddy," he hiccupped before rushing to his father's leg and clinging to them.

Draco and Astoria shared a look.

Astoria placed a hand on her son's head before giving him a kiss on the forehand. "I'll see you two down there, whenever you're ready." She flashed a grin at Draco, grabbed a box off of the bedroom dresser and left her boys to have a talk.

"Daddy, I don't want to say goodbye," Scorpius sobbed, barely registering that his mother had already left the room and it was just him and his father. He squeezed a little tighter and Draco grunted. For a 6 year old, the boy sure had a tight grasp.

"Scorp," Draco started, carefully dislodging his son from his legs and bending down so he was face to with him. "We talked about this. He just wasn't getting enough oxygen. You and your pet had a lot of good times though, right?"

Scorpius nodded.

"Well as long as you remember all those good times and never forget him then you're not really saying goodbye. It's more like saying, see you soon. And now he's in a very happy place," Draco mumbled out.

Sniffling Scorpius asked, "Really?"

Draco quickly nodded; anything to get this conversation over with.

"You ready?" he questioned.

Nodding, Scorpius placed his hand in his father's much larger one, letting him take the lead out of the manor and into the garden.

Draco scanned the seats to see that all the quests were indeed there, minus a certain ginger, not that he minded. The golden trio and him may have come to some nonverbal agreement after the war that they no longer despised each other, even as to being quite friendly with Potter and Granger. He and Weasley, though, would most definitely never be friends. Civil perhaps, but certainly nothing more; if only for the sake that all their kids seemed to be friends.

The potters sat in the second row on the right with their three children. James animatedly talked to his brother while the youngest of the Potter's sat in her mother's arms. Harry flashed him an amused smile in greeting. Draco gritted his teeth, wanting to hex his former rival for enjoying this. Hermione and her two children sat on the opposite side, and when he caught her eyes she gave him a genuine sad smile, no doubt understanding his pain.

At least someone was on his side.

A grinning Blaise sat in the front row next to a smug Theo. Daphne was shaking her head at their immature behavior, but even Draco could see that she was amused by this. He had the worst friends.

His parents sat across from the 3 friends. Faces sat in a calm, stoic manner. Astoria sat on the left to his mother.

Hand still clasped with his son, Draco walked down the aisle, and sat a miserable Scopius next to his mother. Astoria handed Draco the small box that she grabbed off the dresser earlier. He took it from her hands, opened the box where the deceased laid and walked up to the makeshift podium, placing the box on a chair to his left.

"Right," Draco started, staring at all the people before him, his eyes barely sweeping over to his son who now clung to Astoria. "Let's get this over with shall we? Garret was a-"

"Garth," Scorpius corrected.

Draco gave his son a small smile in apology, though it felt like more of a grimace.

"Garth was a great fish," he paused. That was as far as a speech he had come up with since planning this ridiculous 'funeral'. "He was a gold fish," he continued on, ignoring the few chuckles that he heard at stating the obvious. But what the bloody hell was he supposed to say about a stupid fish! "He liked to swim."

He heard a snort amongst the group of people, and his eyes landed on a blushing Hermione. She coughed into hand hoping to cover up her laughter. Draco narrowed his eyes. So much for having her on his side.

"Sorry," she mumbled apologetically, though the sheepish smile on her face did little for her actual apology.

Draco continued on, mentally adding Hermione's name to his list of people he was going to hex once this bloody funeral was over. "And when Garner died-"

"Garth," Scorpius corrected again, shooting his father a scowl for messing up his fish's name, yet again.

"Right, Garth," Draco said, clearing his throat. Most of the guest snickered. Blaise had a full on grin, enjoying his friend's unease immensely. Draco glared at him, deciding he would dig another hole later for his 'former' friend. "When Garth died," he continued on, in a rush to get this over with. "He left behind a very sad little boy, but he will not be forgotten. He will forever be a Malfoy," he finished. He glanced at Scorpius to see if he was satisfied enough and receiving a small watery smile he released a small breath.

 _Thank Merlin that's over!_ Draco thought, already moving away from the podium.

"Wait!" Scorpius shouted, quickly sliding off his seat and stopping Draco in his tracks.

Draco groaned. There was no way in bloody hell he was going to say anymore words. He was mentally preparing himself to break his son's little heart and tell him that his goldfish should be buried before he flushed it down the toilet, like they originally should have. It would have been so much simpler and much faster. Not to mention he would have been able to avoid this humiliation.

He blamed the Weasley's for this horrible moment in his life. If they hadn't shown Scorpius their fishes his son surely would have never asked for one. This was the second goldfish funeral they did. The first goldfish died because Scorpius forgot to feed it. That fish barely lasted 4 weeks. And he had just bought an expensive tank, just to one up the Weasel. Not wanting the tank to go to waste and to make his son happy he had bought another goldfish. And now that said goldfish was lying in a box, just after a week of purchase. Lack of oxygen, Hermione had told him after taking a look at his tank. How was he supposed to know that you were supposed to keep the fish tank clean?!

"I want to say a few words," Scorpius announced, standing in front of the crowd. This was dragging on too long for Draco's comfort, but as long as he didn't have to say anymore, he'd gladly let his son speak their ears off for the remainder of the day. This was pure torture.

The things he did for his son.

"Garth was my best friend," Scorpius stated, sniffling. "He was the best fish ever and the fastest swimmer. And he ate all the chocolate chips I gave him." Draco groaned at that, he may not be sure how to take care of a fish but he was pretty sure they didn't eat chocolate chips. "I love you, Garth and I'll never forget you. I promise."

Draco grimaced as Scropius petted the dead fish before turning to his parents. Realizing that the funeral was over, _thank Merlin_ , Draco stood up and finished the last task that needed to be done.

"Right then, let's bury Gerry," Draco replied.

"Garth," half of the grown-ups snickered.

Rolling his eyes, he didn't comment. Too much in a good mood now that this bizarre funeral was over.

Once _Garth_ was buried, Draco gave Scorpius a single red rose to place on the grave.

"Thanks, Dad," Scorpius said, staring up at his father with admiration. His eyes still slightly red, but no more tears shining in them.

Draco nodded and everyone dispersed. The kids running off too play and the adults grabbing a drink from the 'refreshment table'.

"That was bloody fantastic!" Blaise announced, grinning.

Draco glared at him. "That was horrible."

"Perhaps, you'll get your son another fish?" Theo suggested, smirking mischievously.

"Absolutely not!" Draco yelled. "And if either of you insufferable gits decides to do so, I'll hex both of your nether regions off!"

Storming off in a huff he nearly bumped into Hermione.

"Granger."

"Malfoy," Hermione smiled. "That was quite the funeral. Your pet funerals sure are entertaining," she teased. "Tell me, did you come up with that obituary all by yourself?"

"Sod off, Granger," Draco said and Hemione laughed. He barely paid attention to a ginger walking up the stone path, stopping to talk to his daughter, Rose.

"I'm sorry, really. But 2 funerals in barely a month. It's quite funny."

"I blame you, you know?"

"Me?! What did I do?" Hermione demanded, eyes flaring.

"Yes well, if your child hadn't felt the need to show my child your stupid fishes, Scorpius would never have wanted one. Muggles and their stupid pets. Fishes aren't even real pets. They just sit there and stare at you," Draco grumbled out, receiving a chuckle on Hermione's end.

Just then, Draco's parents appeared. Lucius looked bored out of his mind but Narcissa was smiling.

"Lovely funeral, dear, as always," Narcissa commented. "Here, a gift. My condolences."

"Mother!" Draco all but moaned.

"What? Isn't that what you're supposed to say at things like this? Truly, I never understood the need for a funeral for a pet," Narcissa responded, and handed the wrapped gift to her son. "Now, go on and open it."

Draco stared confusedly at his parents before tearing into the paper.

Hermione snorted as she saw what it was.

A book.

' _Freashwater Aquariums for Dummies'_

He glared at his mother and she stared back innocently.

"What? It was your father's idea," she blabbed.

Draco glanced at Lucius, a small smirk gracing his lips. Sneaky bastard.

"We are not getting another fish," Draco stated, once again, making it crystal clear.

"Oi Malfoy, what got your knickers in a twist?" Ron inquired, strolling up next to his wife and placing a hand on her hip.

"Weasley," Draco greeted.

"Sorry, I'm late, had something to take care of?"

Draco grunted, not really caring.

"Mummy! Mummy!" Rose excitedly exclaimed, appearing by the adults legs. "Look what Daddy bought me!" She eagerly held up a bag, containing a single goldfish.

"That's nice, sweetheart," Hermione said, giving her daughter a smile before shooting a quizzical look at her husband. Surely they didn't need any more fish. They already had 6. But it was just a fish, so Hermione let it slide.

Ron merely grinned at her, before glancing at Draco.

"What's that look for, Weasley?" Draco sneered out.

"Daddy! Lookit! Lookit!"

A bounding Scorpius ran into his father's legs holding up a bag, with a goldfish in it.

 _Merlin's Beard!_

"Mr. Weasley bought it for me," Scorpius happily said, not aware of his father murderous gaze on Ron.

He took a deep breath. It was okay though; he would just tell his son that they couldn't keep it. That the fish would want to stay with Rose's fish.

"Mum said I could keep it!"

Draco's blood ran cold, and his face paled. There was no way he could say no to his wife, but what the bloody hell was she thinking!

"I'm naming him freckles," Scorpius continued on, his dead fish already long forgotten.

 _Oh Merlin! He named it!_ Draco knew he was screwed now.

"That's great Scorp, now you run along," Draco said in a monotone voice. His eyes blazed with fire as he stared at Ron though. Rose and Scorpius already dashed away to show off their new fish's.

"What the hell, Weasley?!" Draco demanded, figuring this was why he was late. To torture him.

Ron continued to grin. "I thought it was only right to show with a gift. My condolences by the way."

"Oh lovely, that is what you say." Narcissa smiled, pleased that she indeed had got something correct at this funeral. "And that was such a nice gesture to bring a gift," she smirked.

"You people are trying to kill me," Draco groaned and then a cry broke out. He turned to see his son crying once more. Quickly, he knelt by Scorpius side with everyone else surrounding them, having heard the cry as well.

"What's the matter, Scorp?" Draco asked worried.

Standing in a small puddle while sniffling, Scropius replied. "Freckles is dead, daddy," he sobbed, burying his head into his father's shoulder.

Draco looked down to see a puddle of water, with the goldfish not moving.

"What happened?" Draco asked concerned, secretly though he was more than happy.

 _No more fishes!_

"You said that fish's n-need o-oxygen to breathe. But if he's in the-the w-w-water then he can't breathe li-like when I'm in the wa-water for a long time. So I let him o-out so he could breathe too," Scorpius cried, hiccupping between breathes.

Draco couldn't help but chuckle at his son's logic.

"Fishes need water Scorp, they have different oxygen than us," Draco said, trying to make his son understand but knowing it was probably lost on a 6 year old. More than likely too young to understand. "How about I get you an owl instead?" Draco offered, hoping Scorpius would take him up on the offer. An owl he could handle.

Scorpius nodded and Draco praised Salazar for his turn of luck.

"You can have my fishy instead, Scorpius," Rose shyly offered, holding out her fish.

 _Oh no!_

"Scorp-" Draco started but his son was already out of his arms, grasping the bag that Rose held out.

"Really?" Scorpius asked, grinning, already staking his claim on the fish. "Daddy, look! Fishy!" He held out the bag to his father, showing him the very much alive goldfish, swimming in circles.

"Scorpius, what about the owl?" Draco pleaded, anything to get Scorpius away from that damn fish!

"I want the fish," Scorpius answered, already invested in his goldfish. "Can I keep him, Mum? Pleaseeee," Scorpius begged.

Astoria held in a laugh before gazing at her husband. "Why don't you ask your father Scorp?" she suggested.

Draco frowned at. For if he was to say no, he would be the bad guy. He was in a lose - lose situation. "But the owl..." Draco half whined, trying once more.

"He can be the owl," Scorpius replied, holding up the fish. "His name is Owl," he smirked.

The adults snickered, even Draco. Cunning child.

"Please daddy, please," Scorpius begged one more time and Draco knew he couldn't say no to his only kid.

Sighing he said, "Okay, Scorp."

Scorpius yelped his happiness, before once again showing off his 'new' fish.

"So," Blaise started, "should we stay for a third funeral?" He grinned.

Draco scoffed. "Bugger off, Zabini," he answered heading towards the manor.

"Where are you going, Draco?" Astoria asked.

"To do a little light reading!" he angrily yelled, taking his new acquired book with him.

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 **A/N: I had a ton of fun writing these, I was dying laughing at how corny this is actually is. Lol. But I hope you guys at least received a chuckle out of it. Reviews are always greatly appreciated. ;)**


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